We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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