Porn is love you can see.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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