it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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