and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
