just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
