i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
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I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
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you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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