So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
