what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
