a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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