just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
