I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
