where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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