need another drink. this is the easiest way
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
