she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
