I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
