drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
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you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
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i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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