My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
