The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
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its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
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This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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