Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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