She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
