Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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