We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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