In the future we'll all be gay
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
