i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
