My first STD was from a foam party
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
BRING THE BAGELS
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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