Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
