Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
