There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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