what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
