Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
