I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize