Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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