someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
