she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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