i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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