i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
