I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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