His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
