They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
