I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
