There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
