I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
