ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
