Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
