I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
