I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
