You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
