there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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