we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.