I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night