i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
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just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
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I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.