thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
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Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
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When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.