she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.