There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
