what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
