That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
