I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
