We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
