there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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