So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
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i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
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The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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